It's been a long 10 days hasn't it? I dislike it profoundly when I don't update at least every 3rd day and I feel compelled to write something even if it's just a few lines..
Happiness. We all want it. But few actually have it. Yet many try to claim it. But does happiness also claim them?
My life right now is in such a limbo. It could be very easy for me to feel depressed and unhappy about a number of things. I could just drag my feet everyday and carry a miserable look on my face. And sometimes, I do. But most often than not, I try to not let the circumstances affect my reactions. I learnt recently that even though we aren't fully capable (at times) to change our circumstances, we always have a choice in our response/reaction to those circumstances. You are able to choose happiness over sadness. You are able to choose to smile over a sad grin. You are able to choose to wake up cheerful over waking up moody. Yes, you choose every single day how you spend your day. Do not try to blame others or the circumstances because even though they may have an influence on you, at the end of the day, you are always able to choose what you want.
There are things I don't understand in my life. There are many things that are unanswered. But experience has taught me that answers are often delayed and in the meantime, many valuable lessons are learnt. I refuse to display impatience or desperation. I refuse to let the feeling of giving up or losing hope to take over. I refuse to let 'why' enter my mind. I have no reason or right to question the circumstances. They are decreed by the Most Kind. I shall not be one to dispute them as it is not my position to do so.
Comparison is the thief of joy. These general milestones that we as we society have set up can be demoralising. Why should we compare ourselves against these 'milestones'? Don't we each have our own individual journeys to lead? Do all our milestones have to be the same? Can I not wish something different for myself? Or do I have to follow the same guidelines as everyone else? What if I'm already behind? What if I'm ahead? Does that I mean I made a mistake in my life? What guarantees me that others have a better life than I? What do I know of what is happening behind some people's walls? I can only see my grass and I don't believe the grass is necessarily greener on the other side.
When I was younger (early 20s) I used to sometimes inflict my mood swings and sadness on others. How selfish. Just because you're feeling miserable, why do we have to make others also feel bad? Just because you woke up irritated, do you really have to make the people around you irritated as well? That's something I regret. At the time, like many young people, I was pretty much self-indulged. My sadness seemed like the most important state affair of the century. And it felt normal that everyone else (well, just my immediate family) be aware that I wasn't going to act normal and that they should accept my change of behaviour for the next 48hrs with no explanation to be given.
I was also that person who told everyone that 'I'm not a morning person, do not talk to me before 9am,k thanks bye'. Again, selfish behaviour and a baseless claim. I really made myself believe that I wasn't a morning person. And I made myself believe that my bad morning mood was part of my personality. I made myself believe that I couldn't act like a normal human before 9am. Result? Many moody mornings. Was that necessary? Absolutely not. Cheery on the cake, I'm actually a great morning person. That's something I discovered in the past year when I decided to challenge a number of self-undermining thoughts I had in me. I decided to try being a morning person and wake up jolly. I choose it and it was perfect. My mother was surprised 'ooh wow, you're talking in the early hours!' and that's when it hit me. I was holding on something that was baseless that I had internalised which affected me but also my entourage. Enough with the selfishness in 2017. You can choose whatever you want for yourself of good and it will have a domino effect on the people around you too.
I always looked at those people who are always smiling and was a tad bit jealous. Dude, your car just broke down in the middle of the road yet the guy is smiling. Your shopping bag tore apart and everything rolled out, yet this lady is smiling. Your child is throwing the biggest tantrum in the store, yet you're smiling calmly. You lost your wallet but you're still smiling. Are you human? No huffing, no puffing, no swearing, no grand gestures, no becoming the centre of attention. But a calm demeanour, an inner peace, a quiet smile, a loving heart. It shall pass too. I love it. I want to choose to have that reaction. I want to smile at life. Even when I don't understand it. I want to smile at my circumstances even through the tough moments they make me go through.
And to hell with comparison. I am me. I am doing me. Whatever that happens in my life is decreed so why should I compare my decreed life to someone else's decreed life? We don't have the same story line, we may even be completely different genres! With my birthday approaching, with the starting of 2017, with my spirituality becoming the centre of focus.. I'm just seeing life with a new lens. Some people criticise me for being unrealistic. How could not get angry if your car broke down? Or your bag tore? I do feel like I have a hippy side to me. A chill, go happy vision to life. Nothing is too big of a problem. Nothing is too bad or terrible. The glass is always half-full with me. But is that a good way to go through life? You could argue no. You could argue that life is hard. That it's a hassle and that you have to fight for what's yours. You could say that I've got it all wrong. And that I will get a harsh wake up call soon. Maybe. But that's okay because I know I have the ability to control my response so.. all's well :)
Alhamdulilah. Being a believer saves you from a lot.