You know, life is really funny.. things happen.. opinions change..you grow..see things differently..meet new people..have interesting experiences..learn who you are deep inside..get disappointed..and many many more occurrences happen that can potentially change you either for the better or..the worst.
This single past year (2015/2016) has been a huge turning point in my life. The lessons I've learnt, the challenges I have had to overcome, the new things I embarked on, the strong emotions (both positive ones and negative) I felt, the clarity of mind and in short, the realisation of many things has been a beautifully trying year to say the least.
One of the most beautiful things I've come out with this year is a closeness to my Creator that I hadn't yet experienced. If you have been following me for years (hello!), you guys know that I'm that 'religious' girl [whatever that includes], I have talked about my deen, my posts and articles have always included some sort of reference to Islam, alhamdulilAh, I have been blessed to be attached to my religion from a young age. Yet, this year -in some strange way- resembles that year when I first became practising but in a much better way. Something clicked within me this Ramadan, something clicked in my heart, something changed in the way I am spiritually and I couldn't be happier about that (alhamdulilah). Perhaps, I will find the time soon to delve further into this inshAllah.
Paradoxically, this year has also been a year of testing my patience. I don't want to go into details about my personal life but I have tried to display beautiful patience, a calm patience and a hopeful patience. And, I still am. Along with that, the door of reliance and supplication have been ones I have been knocking on often this past year. You know, even though I don't think what I've been tested with are HUGE LIFE ALTERING tests, but, they are for me at this particular time and, I think that these tests are also a big part of why I feel better spiritually, crazy isn't it? I welcome tests, I welcome them with a heart accepting them for they come with the Decree of my Lord? So why shouldn't I be pleased if He is the One who decrees what He wills and He is not to be questioned?!
This life will never be perfect but being close to the Creator makes it almost perfect. I have been hurt this year, I have grieved about things, my heart tightened, tears were shed in the darkness of many nights, I acted out of character because of the pain.. I thought I would never get over that stage yet, a year later.. I look back at that time (sept/oct2015) and I smile quietly. What I learnt through that experience alone will be with me for a lifetime and were it not that I went through it, my eyes would have remained blind from a harsh reality that exists. You can perhaps understand me better when I say that I now welcome tests with an accepting heart because I have learnt that we learn life lessons through these difficult challenges. We learn who we are intrinsically, we learn to deal with emotions that we may not have experienced before, our thoughts and beliefs are shaken up, we are vulnerable and, for us believers, these moments are incredible opportunities to seek closeness to Allaah.
Alhamdulilah, Thank You a million times ya Rabbi. I accept whatever You will send my way and I will welcome it beautifully! As I am writing, I am still not out of the test.. but it's okay. It can take as long as it needs, it's a Godly sent lesson and I want to be a good student and pass the test.
I will be coming back on this subject soon inshAllah because I see it to be of importance. I will also attempt to return to my regular updating schedule on the blog once my laptop is repaired inshAllah. Thank you to the lovely people who commented on the previous post, you are appreciated.
See you soon, toddles x